


And The World Comes Crashing Down

by OneMadWolf



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:56:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2605931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneMadWolf/pseuds/OneMadWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They told Jared he had developed Dissociative Identity Disorder. Sam Winchester begged to differ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Step Up Onto The Curb

**Author's Note:**

> This story (unless I decide to change this) will not be pairing-centric.
> 
> I it has been tagged with Wincest and J2 because Wincest will be talked about in some detail and past (and possible future) J2 will be heavily referred to. Set sometime during late season 3. There will be foreshadowing of the future seasons sprinkled in, though it'll mainly be things you won't pick up on if you haven't watched those seasons/aren't currently drowning in the spn fandom.  
>  **(Edit: I changed the timeline a bit a match cannon better, now it's set during late season 3 not early season 3 to match when Jared and Sandra actually got engaged and to make things more interesting for Sam)**
> 
>  **Warnings include:** talked of/referenced sexy times, talked of/referenced brother touching, Jared's potty mouth, accidental and then not-so-accidental unfaithfulness, peoples ignorance of mental health disabilities, some hate talk: directed towards themselves; directed towards others; directed towards squirrels.  
>  **Disclaimer:** You don't wanna know what the show would be like if I master-minded this shit. That is to say: I don't own anything besides the plot.

The Change didn't come slowly like a lot of things tend to do; instead, like a floodgate opening, The Change came all at once.

Late at night right around a week ago from now, Jared had been walking home after a later-then-usual night on set. Even though it was already pushing midnight, he'd been happy as clam, talking enthusiastically to Jensen who was going to crash at Jared's place that night. This was due to the fact that Jared had been the lucky duck of the bunch that week since this episodes filming location was literally walking distance from Jared's house.

It was so close to Jared that he could even walk home for lunch if he wanted to. This was something he wouldn't do though, since there were always stalker fans and paparazzi that hung around like vultures whenever they filmed out of the studio (really, it would only be safe to take the 10 minute walk without a bodyguard at either butt-fuck o'clock in the morning or in the dead of night). If the dogs ever stayed at home instead of accompanying Jared to set, he could've easily walked home around suppertime to let Harley and Sadie out and give them some well-deserved attention. All-in-all, it was still a sweet set-up for Jared, which made him happier and even more talkative then normal. 

As Jared chattered on, Jensen glowered at the ground in silence. His reaction made Jared absolutely gleeful, which in turn just caused him to chatter on more. You see, Jensen, understandably, was quite pissed about this turn of events in filming location. For one, Jensen lived at the other end of the city, which would normally make him closer to the studio then Jared. It didn't make much of a difference since they carpooled to work for the most part, but Jensen liked to brag that he could ride his bike to work in the warmer months if he so chooses.

Either way, Jensen was all set to move in with Jared that coming weekend, which would be awesome if they stayed in the same location for the following week. No such luck though, since on the Monday they would be hauled off to film in the middle of nowhere on the mainland, which meant camping out in their trailers at the set location.

Even with having to share his limited living space with two big dogs during this time, Jared never really minded trailer living. Jensen, on the other hand, hated it. Jared never really understood Jensen's reasoning behind this; when he tried to point out the fact that Jensen's trailer wasn't that much smaller then his apartment (while this was an exaggeration since Jensen's apartment was actually quite spacious, Jared had been trying to make a point), Jensen had levelled a death glare at Jared that he only reserved for his co-star when he _really_ wanted him to cease and desist what ever he was doing. So Jared had, for once, shut his trap and he didn't bring it up again.

But all that is beside the point. _The point_ of that long-winded preamble is that while Jared was rubbing the nose of a more grumble-ly then usual Jensen into the fact that this was the _second_ time a Supernatural episode was filmed near Jared and wasn't it _awesome_ that Jensen had a best friend who'd give up his couch after a late night, everything changed.

Like it was said before, The Change didn't happen gradually. The Change came out of no where and it came all at once. Jared's world came crashing down around his ears somewhere between raising his foot and then stepping up onto the curb of the sidewalk that was right in front of his house.

According to Jensen, who had haltingly relayed the information onto Jared sometime later, right after Jared was fully on the sidewalk, he had closed his mouth mid-sentence and he had turned slowly to look at Jensen. Jared's eyes had then gone completely blank, void of any and all emotion, and he had blinked owlishly at Jensen. In the very next second, he had doubled over like he had been in some great pain, and then he had opened his mouth and he had screamed. He had screamed and he had screamed and he had _screamed_. The dogs— one being walked by Jensen and the other by Jared— howled.

Even though Jared has no memory of what happened, according to various sources the events following go like this: Jensen had tried to shush the dogs while also trying to get Jared to snap out of it. The dogs had finally gone quiet and so had Jared, but that was almost worse then the screaming, because at that point Jared was completely unresponsive. Sometime during the screaming Jensen had gotten Jared to sit down, and now he just sat there, completely still and slumped over on the edge of the sidewalk with dead, empty eyes. Not knowing what else to do, Jensen had gotten Harley and Sadie inside and then he had called 911. It's a good thing he did that, for Jared starts to seize right around the time the paramedics rush in. They zoom Jared off to the hospital, and about twenty minutes after his condition is stabilized, Jared appears to wake up.

Everything about him had just seemed off, though. Everything from the look in his eyes to his stance had been so very un Jared-like; There's this look in his eyes that is both extremely haunted but also very alert and assessing; He's sitting in a very defensive posture, with his shoulders taunt and back hunched over; His mouth is in a thin, serious line. In short, he looks like the poster child for someone who is simultaneously predator and prey. The most disconcerting part about this though, is that, for once, even as Jensen walks slowly closer, he remains completely silent.

It had taken Jensen all of five seconds to figure out what exactly was wrong with the picture: this wasn't Jared he was looking at. This was Sam.

Jensen, always the unassuming optimist, forced himself to crack a smile towards the Jared-turned-Sam Winchester. "Hey buddy, welcome back! You had us worried there for a bit. But what's with the stance, dude? You're in the hospital, you didn't fall asleep while filming again, no need to Sam-out."

'Jared' ( _No, this is Sam,_ Jensen's mind had supplied) had only narrowed his eyes at Jensen, the cautious and assessing look in them doubling. Then, he had simply leaned back on the bed, had closed his eyes, and then he had become dead to the world once more. It was like he'd never been awake in the first place.

Around half-an-hour later, Jared (the actual Jared, which meant Jensen was bombarded with a best friend that was all non-stop worried questions and chatter while at the same time being his normal big smiles and 'I shit sunshine and rainbows' self towards the nursing staff, even though he was obviously close to panicking) would wake up and say he had no memory of ever being awake even though there are several eyewitness to say he had been fully conscious and responsive.

"What do you last remember?" Several people had asked him.

"I was just about to step up onto the curb."

That was only the tip of the weird iceberg.


	2. Memories That Rather Be Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forays into the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's #2!  
> Warnings for the chapter include some mention of hetero sexy times and language.
> 
> Edited: 12/16/14

The whole experience might've only lasted minutes or countless long hours, but in whatever time frame the surreal experience took to complete, Jared, quite literally, watched his whole life flash before his eyes.

It was like he was sitting dead centre in one of those Imax theatres with surround sound and a wraparound screen, but the movie on display was Jared's own sorry existence.

Somewhere in the far reaches of his mind, Jared knows that he is still asleep. Somewhere he knows that he is still uncomfortably curled up on that too-thin and too-short hospital bed, but right now Jared could care less about the fact that he was technically sleeping.

It didn't matter because for the moment he felt more aware and conscious then the had ever felt in dreams before, fully aware of the fact that he is now floating in what appears to be a huge, darkened, room— exactly like the movie theatre he had made an analogy to— hovering over a ground that he can't look down to see because he is absolutely paralyzed. He can't even move his eyeballs. All he can do is face foreword, stare directly ahead, and watch the images of his life that continuously flow around him.

Jared has this unnerving sensation that whoever is running the show (since it sure as hell isn't him!) is studying Jared through his memories, watching Jared's life through Jared's own eyes. His suspicion grows as memories are brought forth and then are seemingly studied or are quickly discarded, all of this done with the ease that comes with someone who is well versed in the art of researching. An important memory will get the full run-through—the early firsts, like Jared learning how to walk and how to talk have a full viewing, even though Jared probably couldn't pull a fully functioning memory of those events while awake—afterwards, like someone pressed fast forward, there'd be a blur until another seemingly significant memory is found and then studied.

As a new memory comes into focus, Jared winces. After trying and failing to stop what he knows he is about to see, he figuratively sits back and prepares for the worst. Whoever it is that is running the screening of, 'Jared Padalecki: The Greatest Hits,' is obviously morbidly entrapped by the whole debacle, and the memory comes into focus in vivid Technicolor.

Jared is with a beautiful girl. She has long brown hair, blue eyes, perky tits and her name is Sarah Windom. He's sixteen, painfully hard and about to lose his virginity to his smoking hot older girlfriend that he's had for two months... or so he _thinks_ he's about to lose his v-card. In that moment, memory Jared has the thought that life couldn't be more perfect. That, of course, is when everything goes to shit.

Like a space shuttle launching after countdown, Jared blows his load into the condom after only ten seconds. Even though he was barely even inside that tight, _heavenly_ , heat, Jared's not overly embarrassed. Even back then he was still a pretty chill guy and he knows that these things can happen, especially since this is the first time his dick has ever felt something _so_ amazing. So, with a sincere apology, memory-Jared calmly offers to get Sarah off in another way while they wait to try again.

She flips out, apparently a lot less understanding and a lot dumber then Jared had previously given her credit for, and, of course, Jared flips out right back at her.

Because, 'he's only sixteen for _chrissakes_ , what does she expect from him?'

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, for in under twenty minutes Jared is now single, drunk off of pilfered whisky from his parents alcohol cabinet, hard once again and sullenly jacking off in the bathroom. And, like his body was trying to spite himself, he manages to last a full five minutes before he shoots off into the toilet, beating his previous personal record of three-and-a-half minutes. Jared's dark thoughts as he watches his spunk swirl around in the toilet bowl as it is flushed revolve around the fact that he is now _for sure_ going to die a virgin, because, according to Sarah, he barely got it in so he hadn't actually lost his virginity that night.

Which, as the memory comes to a close and more memories are quickly shifted through (Jared's first fist fight; realizing he had reached six feet already; starting to realize he might like guys just as much as he likes girls), is proved false as Jared watches himself lose his virginity to a beautiful red head only a few months after the fact.

After that, memories flash by a lot quicker, like the thing controlling the show is finally getting bored. Or maybe it already has a general idea of what happens in Jared's late teens and early twenties. 'Cause really, all whoever-it-is has to do to find information on his in the following years was open his Wikipedia page.

Things slow down sometime in what appears to be early January of this year, and Jared has a sinking feeling that he knows what he's going to view next.

Guilt is nibbling at his stomach as memory Jared watches his surroundings from where he is sitting on a park bench in a small, secluded park. He sees Jensen jog up beside him and take a seat somewhere to his left. Memory Jared doesn't even glance at Jensen, preferring to not see his best friend's face while he has this talk.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." Jensen says as a dog runs into Jared's view, a child running after it.

"S'alright. I'm just glad you got here at all. There's something I need to talk to you about…" The child's mother runs up, puts a leash on the dog and grabs the child's hand, and then she drags them both out-of-site.

"Yeah. Um, I'd been meaning to ask: why'd you want to meet in a park? It's fuckin' January in _Canada_."

"Y'know, quieter, less chance of being spotted. It's nice, sometimes... I bring Harley and Sadie here." Jared scans the part, fondness in his eyes, from the grassy area they were in to the trees on the outskirts, to the sad-looking playstruture about a dozen feet to his right. "And anyways," He continued, once again staring straight ahead, "Vancouver's pretty mild, even in the middle of winter. Just be thankful were not being rained on right now, 'cause I still would've asked us to meet out here no matter the whether. We really need to talk, and I figured it was best to do it somewhere private but still kinna public." A group of pigeon's fly in and peck at the ground in Jared's line of sight. A squirrel comes into view as it searches for nuts.

Jensen must've caught something in his tone because what he said next holds the promise of full-on panic, "Jared, you're worrying me, man. What's going on?" Jared's neck is starting to hurt from resisting the urge to turn to his left. Jensen just sounds so _worried_.

He takes a deep breath. He figures he might as well get it over with fast, and save his friend the stress of ignorance: "I'm going to ask Sandra to marry me. When we go to Paris to celebrate our fourth anniversary."

"The fuck? I mean, congrats and all, but you haven't been all that serious about her lately. Hell, you've been _cheating_ on her for almost three years. Like, what the fuck?" Jensen sounds angry. He rarely gets angry (well, not at Jared, at least). Jared now really wants to look over at his friend so he can view this rare sight, and then do something about it to make it go away. But he doesn't do anything. Instead, he sits there with his head down, his gut twisting some more with guilt. He doesn't like what he has to say next, knows it'll just aggravate the situation, but he knows he's doing the right thing. Or at least he _thinks_ he's doing the right thing.

"Well, you've been cheating on Danneel the whole time you've been dating her, and that technically means you've been cheating on _me_ for almost two years-"

"Dude, don't even _go_ there." Jensen practically growls, sounding almost as angry as he does when he's playing a pissed-off Dean, "She was well aware of us even _before_ we started dating, she told me I could still see you while I was seeing her. And you told me that you didn't care, that you _wanted_ me to go out with her even though I was seeing you... even though we _were just starting to get serious_!" Jensen's voice has risen in volume until he is practically shouting by now, and Jared is glad that no one else appears to be in the park.

There's a beat of silence, like Jensen is struggling to find the next words to properly articulate his outrage, and when he opens his mouth again his words are crisp and precise, spoken low and almost dangerously: "If she said she wanted me to call it quits with you I would've, 'cause, man, I might _love you_ but I just know she's the woman I'm going to marry one day. But _because_ I _love you_ , if you had asked me to not go out with her in the first place I wouldn't have." Jared's heart aches at the, _'why didn't you ask me to stop seeing her before it was too late? I know dating her, getting serious with her, has actually been hurting you,'_ that was left unsaid by his friend.

Jensen takes a deep breath before finishing with, "So, fuck, don't you _dare_ even _compare_ the two situations!" From the corner of Jared's eye, he can see Jensen's chest heaving, his breaths coming out in quick, angry, pants. A detached part of Jared is painfully reminded of how Jensen looked after they had fucked on Jared's kitchen table the other day.

"But that's the thing, Jensen!" Jared yelled, suddenly furious and now standing, finally looking at his friend as he looms over him, "It would have been unfair of me to tell you to not date Danneel, 'cause you liked her so much, and 'cause I refused to stop seeing Sandy." Jared allows himself a small, guilty, pause before he continues, "I was selfish and only gave my O.K _after_ I'd gone to Danneel myself to see if she'd be alright with us still having a thing while she dated you. I did this _before_ you went and asked her the same thing yourself... it's why I bugged you so much to go and date her, 'cause I knew you really wanted to and that I really had nothing to loose. But If she'd said 'no'...!" Here memory-Jared takes a big, angry breath and drags a hand through his wind-tossed hair.

"It's just that, Danneel _gets it_ , hell, she probably gets _off_ on it, and she gets _us_! Sandy never would, and she never will. And marrying her after four years is the _right_ thing to do, and while I could justify cheating on her while only dating, because it was _you_ , and everything stopped making any fucking sense after I met you, I can't keep on doing this if I'm gonna be her husband, Jay!" Here Jared took a deep breath, saying his co-stars nickname somehow calming him down,

"Jay… Jensen… it's over. I want to be your friend... I _need_ to be your friend... but this… it's been fun, hell, it's been more then fun, it’s been fucking _amazing_ , but it's gotta stop… it's just the right thing to do. I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Jensen wouldn't meet his eyes, staring down at his own feet, but Jared knew with another stab of guilt to his gut that his now ex-lover was crying.

Many long minutes passed before Jensen spoke again, voice forcefully calm and only hitching slightly at the begging. "Y-yeah, sure Jare. You're right, I never felt totally O.K about lying to Sandra myself. And _of course_ you still got me as your friend... still gonna be your _best_ friend… I had promised you that that wouldn't change even if something like this had happened. just, Jared, is this actually the right thing to do according to _you_ , or is it the right thing according to the people around you?" Jensen asked, finally looking up to meet Jared's eyes.

"What… what d'ya mean?" Jared questioned, looking into the green of his friend eyes, trying to get lost in it as he had many times before, hoping that it might make what Jensen had to say less painful to hear.

"I mean, do you really want to marry her or was it that conversation with your Mom the other day that changed your mind? I mean, are you marrying her for _you_ , or are you doing what _other_ people want, what they _expect_?"

Jared couldn't answer, it was like his throat sealed shut as Jensen's words sank in. He felt like if he didn't leave right this moment he would hurl, so, leaving is just what Jared did. He turned and he ran. He ran and he ran and he _ran_. As memory Jared ran, the memory slowly faded out until Jared was now floating in utter darkness nearly a month later, engaged to a person he didn't actually love, guilt-ridden and with a newly re-shattered heart.

"That was kindof a dick move."

Well… he had _thought_ he was alone.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jared bellowed, now able to move and slowly turning a 360 in the dark, empty space.

"Jared, I think you know. Somewhere, deep down, you know who I am."

This just made Jared angrier, "I have no fucking clue who you are but you are in my head, violating my private memories and I want you out, NOW!"

"I can't do that. I'm stuck, I'm sorry about the memory thing but I have to know what I'm dealing with here. My last, er, _foray_ into your world was kindof disastrous. I had no idea what was going on or who anyone was even though they looked _exactly_ like people I know from where _I_ come from. Now, with that information, Jared, who am I?"

Jared felt all of his anger leak out of him like someone had poked a hole in a tire. All that was left was a cold dread, filling his every pore.

"… Sam?"


	3. A Prequel of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Some J2 Fluff.
> 
> Or, more specifically: The Progression of Jared and Jensen’s Relationship From something Sexual to Something More.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of updates, I've had a bit of a block for this story. So I decided to post this. I wrote it out of the blue at 3am a few weeks ago and posted it to my tumblr, but since it fit with the story I'm posting it here as a sort of prequel to the main story line. So, in sort, have some fluffy J2.

For Jensen and Jared, It might’ve not been _love_ at first, but it sure as hell was _lust_ at first sight.

The attraction each man felt for the other sprang up almost immediately-- sparks figuratively flew during the first handshake they shared, where their skin first touched and their eyes first locked. Even so, that immense attraction took some time to come to fruition.

There were a lot of false starts in the beginning, both sexually and otherwise— for one, Jensen was a little too oblivious and Jared was a little too blunt (which will be explained later), and for the other, It took a bit for them to get over the initial awkwardness of the whole gay sex thing, which was something they had only dabbled in before. They'd only done some minor experimentation, not going very far with any male partner. This proved not as true for Jensen as it was for Jared, since, one time after Jensen had had a few too many beers, he had admitted to Jared that he’d had anal sex before. This was something Jared had not done before Jensen, and he had thought Jensen hadn’t experienced it previously either. According to Jensen, it hadn’t been a very good experience so he usually tried his hardest to block it out, or at least not bring it up with people.

But anyways, the fact of the matter is that the two men clicked almost immediately, the all consuming lust that they felt for the other closely following that immediate connection. Because of how close they had gotten in such a sort period of time and because they just got along so damn well, adding sex to their relationship just seemed like the next natural step for them.

Sometime after they started this thing, the what ever they have going now—be it a friends with benefits situation or a secret-but-not-so-secret romance, it wasn’t entirely clear to anybody—they were screwing whenever they could.

Before anything happened though, there was the other delay that involved Jared's bluntness. Specifically, it involved the fact that Jared out-right propositioned Jensen after they'd only known each other for three months.

Jared had done this thinking it would be an accelerate to that obvious next step in their relationship. Unfortunately for him it turned into quite the decelerate instead; this was due to the fact that Jensen had thought that Jared had been joking each and every time Jared bluntly brought it up.

The first time Jared brought it up set the stage for this, since they were both stone-cold sober at the time and it came up completely out of nowhere:

"So, I was thinking…" Jared had started casually, sitting beside Jensen in his trailer.

"Mhm?" Jensen had been only half paying attention, going over the script for the day.

Jared turned towards Jensen, fully catching his attention. "I was thinking that we should start fucking."

"… What?"

After the fifth time this had happened, Jensen had blown up at Jared, having thought that Jared had discovered his feelings and this was his way of making a big joke out of it, which was something Jensen had already known Jared was prone to do.

"Alright, this is just getting damn unprofessional, dude."

"What’dya mean?"

"I _mean_ I know you’re not serious, I _know_ you’re just making fun of me, ‘cause, who does that? Who just asks someone if they want to start screwing around like that?”

"D’you… d’you want me to buy you dinner first?"

"OK, OK, that’s fucking _it_! I’ve had it, Jared!” Then he had stormed out, leaving a very confused Jared sitting alone in the nearly-empty diner they had been eating at. Jared had then simply shrugged and had gone back to eating his sandwich.

It turned out that Jared had just been better at reading the situation then Jensen had been, and Jared was, for the most part, a lot less prone to lying to himself then Jensen was. Yes, he had been well aware of Jensen’s feelings, probably had been aware of them before Jensen admitted to himself that they were even there. This was partially due to the fact that Jared is a touch narcissistic, and to him it was _damn_ obvious from the very beginning that Jensen wanted a piece of his fine ass.

He wouldn’t have brought it up to Jensen though if he hadn’t decided on two things first: number one being that yes, he wanted Jensen just as much as Jensen seemed to want him, and the second thing being that no, it wouldn’t fuck up their ever blooming friendship or affect their acting. Jared had concluded in the end that sex wouldn't be a hindrance at all. Instead, he figured that it would actually _improve_ both aspects of their relationship. Because of all that, he really hadn’t seen the harm in going all-out and simply asking his co-star if he wanted what he had wanted. Jared would've easily accepted a "no" from Jensen, obviously, but he didn't quite understand the non-answer Jensen had given him. So he had continued asking.

Either way, Jared was also well aware  of the fact that he wasn't the most tactful of people. So, knowing that he had screwed up somewhere, he was quick to find Jensen (after he had finished his sandwich and had payed the bill that Jensen had ran off without pitching for). Then he had commenced clearing things up with his friend. After a rather lengthy discussion that involved Jared literally groveling at Jensen's feet while apologizing for being an idiot and consequently upsetting Jensen, and four beers each, both parties were now on the same page and very on board with the proposed new state of their relationship.

So, long story short, after much reading, on Jared’s part, and a more hands-on approach to learning on Jensen’s, they were now quite versed in the art of gay sex. Specially, they were now well versed in the art of sex with _each other_.

Their ability to get to know each other so well and so fast now included the fact that they were quick to learn everything there was to know about what the other both wanted and _needed_ in bed. They now knew exactly how to drive the other _wild_. They were quick to learn every perfect way to draw things out for the other or to speed things up. At one point they had both bashfully admitted that the sex they had with each other was the best they’d ever had.

After the aforementioned false starts and initial awkwardness, sex happened whenever they could get it from the other. It happened in one of their trailers between takes; in the evening, at night and a quickie in the morning if one of them slept over at the other one’s place. A handjob here, a blowjob there, they grabbed whatever they could get from the other whenever they could get it.

Life was good.

Life was still good even after the 'Relationship Talk' inevitably came about, almost a whole year after their casually sexual relationship started. And, like most things that came between them nowadays, it came easily, without a fuss, and was very to the point. It also came at the ideal mellowness that followed mind-blowing sex, lying cozily tangled up on Jared's extremely comfortable bed, which really helped smooth out the conversation.

"Hey ah… d’you love me?"

"Yeah… yeah, I think I do. Why?"

“‘Was just thinking, was thinking that we should make this more serious, ‘cause I love you back. This is good how it is though, so, like, if you don’t wanna, that’s still cool.”

"Naw man, let’s do this. So, serious like dates n’ stuff, or just us knowing that it’s now more then just fucking?"

"A bit of both? Like, we already hangout _constantly_ , how would we distinguish that and actual dates? We already go out for dinner, watch movies together and do a shit-ton of other date-y things.”

"True, so, ah, what are we then? Lovers? Boyfriends?"

"Nah, we’re still just _Us_. Why label it?"

"Hm, good point, Jare."

"I thought so too. So, Jay… after all that schmoop, you up for another round?"

So, that was that.

Nothing much changed in their everyday lives since they still had to keep things underwraps. Now though, there is a lot more public touching (“oh, the boys are just close!”) heavy, meaning-filled gazes (“that connection right there is what makes them play the brothers so well!”). But, whenever they are alone, their time is now spent with not just sex, but with things like hand-holding, cuddling while watching tv or movies, playing footsie under the table while eating dinner together, and much more sickly-sweet relationship crap.

And it was good.

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go. Tooth-rotting fluff, which probably won't happen in the main story. 
> 
> I got some stuff written for the next chapter, where the plot will actually pic up, it's all a matter of finishing it for me. It might take another couple of days though since I have an extremely busy weekend ahead of me, but I'm gonna try and see if I can finish it tomorrow. If not, don't expect it until mid-to-late next week.


	4. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moments that happen during Jared's week-and-a-bit in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well look at that, it's a chapter!
> 
> Just to clarify, bolded words=Sam.
> 
> (P.S, I made some relatively heavy edits to chapter 2. Nothing that really changes the plot, it just explains a bit more and flows a bit better now.)

_Why can't you get out of my head?_

**_If I knew that yet I wouldn't still be in here. I have friends and family that are probably dealing with my empty body right now. Do you think I_ want _to leave them with that?_**

_No, just, you always figured things out so fast on the show…_

**_That's 'cause I had access to the web or useful books. If you'd let me take the reigns again…_ **

_Just, fine, just don't do shit I wouldn't do! I heard doctors whispering about Dissociative Identity Disorder… fucking split personality shit. There's too much on the line for me, so man, you gotta_ act _like me!_

—

"Where are you going?"

"Oh… crap… ah… Jensen? Ya, ah, Jensen, 'was just gonna see if I could use the computer at the nursing station… to er… check my… email?"

"Riiiiight. Like Jared would be this desperate to check his email. Hello, Sam."

"How'd—Fuck, never mind, I need to use a computer!"

"No can do. Sorry, but the docs have you under watch, it wouldn't look good for Jared if he was caught walking around and _obviously_ not himself. 'Cause, dude, you're a _horrible_ actor."

**_—_ **

_That was fucking_ horrible _. But hey, thanks for the laugh. I needed that._

**_Shut the fuck up._ **

**_—_ **

"Hello, Jared. I'm Doctor Mason; I'm the head psychiatrist on our psychiatric floor. After a long discussion the team of doctors and I have decided we'd like to have you stay awhile on unit for a longer assessment. You'll have a private room and facilities, of course, due to your status…"

"And if I refuse?"

"That wouldn't be advised. We don't know if your Alter is dangerous or not due to how violently this 'Sam' first made himself known. His appearance actually caused you physical distress. You could prove a danger to yourself or others, so if we have to we can use that to place an order to have you kept here whether you like it or not. It'll only be for a week, tops, and it's always nice to feel like you have a choice."

"Even when I actually don't have one?"

—

 _So it's official. They say I have DID. They come up with that_ brilliant _conclusion after four days of being in this hellhole. Four days of being made to do endless tests, being constantly watched and poked at since_ apparently _I'm such an unusual case, even for something that's already unusual. And they want to keep me here 'at least another three days,' the fuckers._

**_I beg to differ. 'Cause, DID? Besides the turning into another person bit, you don't match much of the criteria. Do you know how many people who'd been possessed where I come from get put into psyche wards for the rest of their lives after the demon leaves? It's a horribly common misdiagnosis, me n' Dean try to fix it sometimes, but I think we usually make it worse…_ **

_Hey, ah, Sam?  
_

**_Yeah?  
_ **

_You're not helping. Like, at all._

**_…Ok, well, If it makes you feel any better, I've been possessed before. I know how much it sucks. Hell, I almost killed my brother—_ **

_Sam?_

**_Yeah, Jared?_ **

_Shut the_ fuck _up._


	5. Announcement and Hiaku's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An apology for the lack of updates, an explanation, and haiku's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, sorry for the lack of updates, things have been really busy with me with starting College again (I've been away from it for a year so it's both exciting and time consuming) as well as the holidays. Also, a good family friend had just passed away during the holidays, which had put a damper on my writing. But she had been a writer herself, so I really think she'd want me to continue. So this story shall go on! 
> 
> Sorry though, since this really isn't exactly a chapter, this is just to let you guys know that I'm still here and writing. While I have stuff written for the next chapter, it's a little scattered and would take some time to organize, but hopefully I'll have it up next week. These are just some J2 (ones based on the story have ** before them) and wincest (-*-) Hiaku's.

**** Jensen's perspective after Flashback in chapter 3**

A lonely man stands

Sad and wet in the cold rain

He'd watched his love leave.

 

**** Continued**

You know everything

There is to know about him

Does that make this worse?

 

******

Be happy my friend

You know this is not the end

He'll always be back.

 

**-*-**

Brothers or lovers

They aren't quite sure anymore

But they just don't care.

 

Stand by a man who

Always shines bright like the sun

Never let him go.

 

****** **Jared's perspective**

Like a missing heart

It feel's cold and dark inside

Where I cut him out.

 

****** **Continued**

I must not repent

I know I've done the right thing

It just hurts so much.

 

** ** Jensen **

We are still great friends

I'll always be there for him

That might hurt more though.

 

Brothers not in blood

But in everything that counts

They're forever friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go.
> 
> Just a quick Announcement, I had changed around a few things in the previous chapters, nothing that really changes the plot though. Now everything matches up with when real life events would've occurred (namely Jared and Sandra's engagement on Jan 28, 2008, and later break up, which Jared announced in April of that year) so the main story takes place sometime in February, and in the flashback chapter the J's would've met up in that park in mid/late Jan, date undeclared but pre Jared asking Sandy to marry him
> 
> This might not matter to anyone but me, but I like having my timeline accurate and organized, so rewriting bits and pieces of the chapters to match this was just to appease my own anal retentiveness.


	6. Two Hundred and Thirty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared won't talk to Jensen. The ceiling tiles are just too interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOO I'm back with a chapter. It's a little short, I know, but a bunch of my writing is going into school work rn, so apologies. But look, there's plot! And Jensen's POV!
> 
> Also, Thankyou to everyone who's review so far! You guys are awesome!!!

"Jared, why won't you talk to me?"

Frown, headtilt.

The ceiling is supposedly more interesting then Jared's best friend right now. Possibly his only friend at the moment, since people have been giving Jared a wide birth since his diagnosis, from family to old friends alike, they've only gotten a couple awkward phone calls, most of whom asked to talk to Jensen or one of the doctors instead.

Thankfully, though, their second family, composed of the cast and crew members of Supernatural, have shown the utmost support. For the first couple days of Jared's stay before he was switched to the psychiatric floor there was a constant stream of people and phone calls. Even after, there were lots of people and phone calls and cards... which stopped, though, after a rowdy group of their friends got a strict telling off from one of the staff members. Now, regurgitating what they were told by that staff member to Jensen as an explanation as to why the visits stopped, 'they are respecting Jared's privacy and they are giving him space to allow his important recovery to happen.'

Those _fucking_ Idiots.

Honestly, Jared is someone who doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'privacy' when it comes to people he has determined are his friends. After only a week of Jensen being 'officially friends' with Jared (i.e, after a week of starting to film), Jared had known almost everything about Jensen, from Jensen's shoe size to the name of all his cousins to his favourite icecream toppings, just from all the incessant questions he had kept asking which Jensen had been too bemused to not answer truthfully. This isn't to say Jared doesn't know the meaning of the word 'discretion,' as an actor you need to be discrete, and Jared is actually one of the best people out there to tell things to. Jensen knows that no one besides Jared and Jensen's family knows the names of all of Jensen's cousins, because the only person that Jensen had ever bothered to tell had been Jared, because Jared has an incredible supply of curiosity and had just wanted to know _everything_ about his new best buddy.

Jared also has a natural 'fight the power' streak when it comes to rules he doesn't feel make any sense. So to him, who has been trying to break every silly rule the psychiatric unit has to offer, feels absolutely abandoned by his supposedly 'second family.' Seriously, there's no way Jared would understand why one little scolding for something silly would've gotten his friends to turn tail, so in his mind, it's either something he had done to get them to turn their backs (Jensen tried hard to change his friends mind on this) or they are all just  _fucking assholes_ and Jared had been too blind to see it before. 

It's not like Jared has tried to stage a coup in the 4 days of being on unit or anything... well, he would've considered it if he was allowed around the other patients, but Jared has been given a full hallway to himself with a closed door at the end of it, efficiently cutting Jared off from people that Jared just _knows_ could benefit from a smile, so it would've proved pointless. Also, his only other possible supporters in the hospital would have to be the orderly and the janitor, but the janitor can only speak Portuguese and the orderly is a dick. 

What Jared has tried to do is simply push the envelope here and there, if only slightly. He has done everything from convincing Jensen to stay 5 minutes after visiting hours were officially over to getting him to sneak in foods that are apparently 'detrimental to his recovery.' Since when are bacon cheese burgers not good for the mind, body, and soul?

All in all, if Jared had been on the outside looking in and had received that puny scolding, he would've smiled, he would've apologized, and then he would have left, though it is a guarantee that he'd be back the next day being as rowdy as ever. So to him, that little scolding shouldn't have counted for anything to his friends and he honestly doesn't care _what_ his friends know about him... so why aren't they here?

Jensen is here.

But for some reason that has seemed to stop mattering. For the last day Jared has refused to even make eye contact with Jensen... if only he'd talk to him and tell him what's wrong.

Jensen knows Jared is counting the drop-tiles on the ceiling to resist responding. They are smaller then most, so Jensen also knows that instead of counting all of one-by-one, Jared would do the smart math-y thing of only counting the tiles along the length and width and then multiplying them.

There are 234. Jensen can do math too, and he has been bored sitting here. There are 18 tiles in one direction and 13 in the next.

"Why wouldn't you let Sam do his research?"

Jensen almost fell out of his chair he was so startled. This had been the record for the longest time Jared had gone without talking to Jensen, well, talking in general, as far as Jensen knows, in _ever_ , and it was starting to freak him out.

"I... what?"

Eye roll. "Sam. The computer he wanted to use which you wouldn't let him, c'mon, Jensen!"

"Oh, well, because it wasn't you?"

Anger, shoulders flung back. Jensen knows that look and prepares for a verbal assault."So what!" The initial shout cause Jensen to flinch, which he watches Jared take note of, so what he says next comes out in an angry whisper instead. "You _know_ Sam! Almost better then I do. You play the brother who knows him just as well as Sam knows himself! I'd expected some... wait, oh my god."

"What?" Jensen asked, visibly deflating from his preparation for a fight with Jared.

"The brother... the strike... the writing change... oh my god, Sam's _here_ , Jensen, he shouldn't be here!"

"Well, I thought that was obvious. You should just be Jared, there shouldn't be two people in there." Jensen says a little blankly, gesturing to Jared's head.

"Well, duh! I just... Jensen, you gotta give me the benefit of the doubt here, okay, as my friend?"

"You know you don't even have to ask that." Jensen grumbles, giving an eye roll himself. Despite their past, the love they know they still share though never admit to since it should've been shattered along with Jensen's heart, he will always, _always_ be there for Jared, and Jared knows it too.

"I know you do... after everything, I don't think you should-" Wow. Jared is officially a mind reader. "But you do. I think... Jensen, I think it's all real."

"What?"

"In some way, in some world or universe or whatever you want to call it, Supernatural is _real_ somehow. Sam and Dean are _real_ somewhere, and Dean is now going to hell because Sam can't stop it in time _because_ of the strike happening which caused the writers to re-write the end of the season _._ Sam should not be here, he should be there with his brother _who is going to die_. That's the next episode we were going to film... Jensen, don't you get it? It's all real, man."

It was now Jensen's turn to run.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the other side of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, an update. I'm almost finished this semester (since I started my year in January I'm starting semester 2 in may) so I hope to have a chapter or two done and posted in the break.
> 
> Here we have the other perspective to this. And there's a brief mention of wincest, but as i said before pairings will not be the centre of things, at least for now. 
> 
> This chapter is unedited right now, i'll probably be popping in to do some editing. if I make any major changes i'll say so in the next chapter.

Sam was trapped.

That much he knew for certain. He wasn't exactly sure where he was, but the few things he was aware of weren't promising. For one, he was definitely not dreaming. For another, he couldn't escape this strange world he stumbled upon.

His first... day, for lack of a better term... had him walking in this grey, formless place for what must have been miles.

He tried not to look up that entire time, because looking up was quite disorienting. While the 'ground' below his feet consisted of the same grey stuff that was all around him, the ceiling seemed to open up into a whole new would, where he was undoubtedly looking at someones dreams or inner unconscious.

After a immeasurable period of time, Sam grew tired and wanted to sleep. Suddenly, just after that thought had been fully formed, a bed appeared.

Sam made a two discoveries that day, one, he was almost definitely in someones head, and two, even if it definitely wasn't his own mind he was trapped in right now, it did respond to his wants as well.

In the 'days' (really, it could have been any amount of time) that followed, Sam used this information to make the best of his bad situation.

He learned who's mind he was occupying, and that he was in a world that while was very different then his in circumstance, it shared the people that his world did. Including a copy of himself, which made the fact that Sam was trapped in here and in a space that responded to his whims more understandable.

But he was still trapped. Away from his big brother that he should be out saving.

His life was a little less lonesome now though, now that Jared was hear to talk too. During their conversations, his voice would reverberate around the space a lot louder then the bits and pieces of inner monologue Sam would catch from Jared throughout the day. Sam wondered if Jared's speaking volume was this loud during conversations outside as well. It wasn't like Sam had a way of figuring this out, since he decided to stay away from Sam's memories ever since that first time, and even though he figured out how to look through Jared's eyes (It helped Sam keep track of the days, time indeed passed differently in here and Sam hasn't been trapped for as long as he had first thought), Jared didn't have too many people to talk to nowadays.

Jared had become increasingly standoffish towards the Doctors as they came up with more and more reasons to keep him longer, and Dean's lookalike, Jensen, hadn't been around since _that day_.

As far as Sam can tell, it's only been 3 days, but it's really taken a toll on Jared. Once Sam had found his way to the place Jared experiences emotions and imagination, Sam has barely left because of the vibrant colours and images that get pulled up from his host. Now, it's started to resemble the lack-lustre grey as the rest of his brain.

Watching Jared's sorrow made Sam's heart ache. This is how he would feel if something like this happened with his brother.

But he knows Jensen will come back to Sam. He could see the love and devotion rolling off Jensen towards Jared, and he saw the fierce protectiveness firsthand when Sam got called out for taking over Jared's body.

_You don't know that. This could be it._

Jared's inner anguish made Sam's heart ache even more. But he had no words of comfort for Jared. He was out of his depth.

He wondered, not for the first time, where his brother was now.

 

**\--o--**

 

"What are you trying to tell me, Bobby? You say Sam's _where?_ "

"A parallel universe, you idjit, or is that concept too far past your line of understanding?"

"Well... yeah, actually, I wasn't even aware that they existed, so excuse me for needing you to dumb it down a notch!"

"Jesus boy, use your inside voice. Sit down and let me explain."

Dean looked around at the whirlwind that has now become Bobby's livingroom in the weeks since Sam's disappearance. Seeing as Bobby had the only seat that wasn't covered with stacks of papers of books too cumbersome to move, Dean shrugged and sat on the floor. If Bobby noticed, he didn't say anything. Instead he plowed on ahead into his explanation.

"From what I was gatherin', Lilith was actually getting worried at our attempts at ganking her. It looks like she set up a spell that was meant to switch Sam's mind with a parallel, someone who wouldn't be a threat, but I'm guessin' something went wrong 'cause all we got is Sam's body with no one home."

Almost without Dean's consent, his eyes slowly moved towards the direction of the staircase which led to the sleeping form of his brother upstairs.

It was horrible to think about that light, then his brother's collapse. At the time he thought his world was ending, for a second time. But this time he had no soul to sell.

His vision turned red as he saw Lilith standing over her brothers unmoving form with a gleeful look on her face, but before he could lunge at her he was forcibly restrained by multiple demons.

As the seconds ticked past, with Dean freaking out and restrained by a few of Lilith's goons, Lilith's face dropped into one of confusion as she watched Sam's form remain still. Then, she called a retreat and all the demons vanished.

Dean was by his brother's side in an instance, first checking for pulse, then pressing a kiss to his brothers slack mouth like his brother was sleeping beauty and just needed a kiss to awake. Bobby, hovering nearby, pretended not to notice, like he always did when it came to Sam and Dean's sometimes unbrotherly affection. Dean guesses that with everything going on lately and everything they've seen and lived through, it just wasn't an important issue to discuss at the moment.

Bobby then confirmed that Sam was indeed alive but unwakeable, then began the long trek back to Bobby's, each struggling under Sam's deadweight.

Research began. Nothing but research. This research occasionally included the interrogating of Lilith's minions, but Dean barely batted an eye at the bodies of empty meat suits that kept piling after their parasites have left the building.

Dean needed to find his brother.

These interrogations finally proved useful as a demon finally screamed out mid exorcism, "She didn't want to kill him, she just wanted him out of the way, but not his body! His mind, his mind!"

And that gave them a direction. What spells would Lilith have access to that would send the mind away but leave the body?

Which brought them here. With an explanation but no idea how to get his brother back.

And Dean's time was still running short.


	8. Coming Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a slow process, slower then both Jensen and Jared expected, to be honest.  
> But in the end, Jensen slowly comes around to two things:   
> 1) No matter what Jared says or does or how scared it makes Jensen, he really does have Jared's back 100% (it just took a fat, angry squirrel, wise words from a man in a pompom hat, and a literal douse of cold water to re-remind him of this)  
> and,  
> 2) Jared might not be as crazy as he first seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guess who's back and apologetic for saying she'd have at least two chapters out by the start of May? Yeah, me. Sorry about that folks, I've been busy. Semester 1 finished with a B+ average (exactly what I was aiming for, hurrah), and Semester 2 started, but has been really rocky so far. but that's unimportant information. 
> 
> The important information is that this story is still going to continue! I'm hoping to start writing ahead more so that I can give you guys something for this story more often.

Guilt tore at Jensen. It twisted his empty stomach (he hasn't been able to hold much down these last few days) into intricate knots, it made his hands twitch nervously and it made his eyes prickle with unshed tears.

He didn't know what to do.

Every day, multiple times a day, really, he would come to the hospital, and every time he would stare at the big, foreboding structure, feeling _for sure_ that it was definitely going to be _this time_ , that _this time_ he'd go up Jared's floor, slink into Jared's hallway with his tail between his legs, then crawl into Jared's room and beg for forgiveness. He even had his speech fully prepared;

( _'Jared, I'm so, so sorry for running out. I got scared. Hell, I'm still scared, but I'm going to work with it, because I do have your back, I swear to God I do._

_Through thick and thin, I_ promised _that_. _It's just, maybe, and I just really allowed myself to realize this now, I am hurt with the whole thing with you and me, how we ended. I swallowed the anger, because you needed me to still be your friend, your bestfriend, your on-screen brother, and hell, I needed those things too, so badly. But the thing with swallowing anger, is that it has ways of reappearing._

_And it's just that, when you said those things, about things being real, I was just barely coping with everything else, and I got scared. But on top of that... hell,_ _I got_ angry. _It was insane, 'cause it just came up out of the blue. Like, there was the fear, the fear of, 'oh shit my bestfriend might be... I don't want to say crazy- because man I_ swear _I don't see you that way-_ _but, I guess, more..._ unwell _..._ _then I first thought,' but then, fuck, the anger just washed right in, with these totally backwards thoughts of 'how_ dare _he_ _pull this after everything he's put me through already.' And then I just got more scared, but of my self this time. Because, how can I help you if I'm thinking these things? When I have all this anger towards you I haven't dealt with yet? So before I knew it I was running._

_I felt so guilty for running, that I kept away, knowing that you probably hate me right now. But please, please don't hate me. I'll deal with my own issues on my own time, but I will deal with them, 'cause I don't want my own shit to ever hurt you. So, Please. Please forgive me'_ _)_

Even with that, dare he say it, fantastic, speech planned, Jensen still kept away. There was always some reason why he shouldn't. He'd purposefully doddle until visiting hours were over, or he'd convince himself that Jared really didn't want to see him, or, like today, he'd find himself frozen in fear, staring at the building.

Suddenly Jensen came to note a strange squawking noise from behind him. Confused, and a little apprehensive, he slowly turned around, only to come nose to nose (well, more like nose to shoe tip) with the fattest, angriest looking squirrel that Jensen has ever seen in his life.

It was a big mother effer, with patchy black fur and fat rolls that almost obscured it's small feet from view.

Jensen's first reaction was to laugh at the thing. It was just standing there with it's hackles raised, making his weird barking/squawking sound that Jensen hadn't known squirrels were capable of doing.

_"SQUAWK!"_

"Well _'SQUAWK'_ to you too, fatty. I'm sorry, I don't have any food for you."

The squirrel narrowed it's eyes, they glinted dangerously in the sunlight, then suddenly the thing was launching it's self at Jensen.

Jensen, for his part, did not shriek. _He did not_. He swears on his mother that the sound that came out of his mouth was completely manly.

What he did do, was quickly bat the squirrel off that had thankfully only latched onto his pant leg and not break his skin, because rabies shots were just not Jensen's thing, thank you very much. Then he ran like his life depended on it into the hospital, that fucking squirrel right on his heels.

-

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter will be posted in 2 parts. See you soon for part 2. 
> 
> (I got busy in the middle of writing this, but wanted to at least post something before I had to go)


End file.
